Elijah Buchan – Green Leaf Writing

This is a simple story about a simple man with a simple life. He has a simple job, a simple home, and a simple car. To those at his work; he is a simple coworker. He is simple. His name is Frank.

Frank is not simple in the sense of him being unable to grasp certain concepts or social queues due to the circumstances of birth or any deficiency. Rather, Frank is simple simply because he is. One may question and cast doubt upon a statement such as that, for the simple reason of a lack of logic being present in said statement. However, no logic is required when it pertains to Frank. Again, this is not because of any brain or physical defect; it simply just is.

Frank has always been mostly alone in his world. He has had his parents and he had a person follow him around once. This person seemed to take a liking to Frank for no apparent reason. During high school Frank didn’t play sports, he wasn’t the class clown, or the A plus student. Frank wasn’t really anything to anyone. Frank just was. However, having a person hang around Frank all the time never baffled him. His parents, however, were quite astonished.

As a child, Frank never had any special toys or interests. He never collected bugs or wanted to go swimming or had any goals for himself. He rarely spoke and never laughed. Frank’s parents often would try to find new ways to introduce Frank to events or friends. From inviting him to every birthday party they could to starting a lemonade stand and forcing him to dress up as a lemon. Nothing seemed to work.

Thus, when Frank came home from high school one day with this person. They were, as stated previously, astonished.

But the one thing that is not simple. Is his love life. It is simple. But for him asking a girl out is not. He’s a 35 year old man who has been in love with the same girl since the day he became an intern at his company over ten years ago. After one year of working there he finally made eye contact with the woman. After two years he had said hello. He continued to say hello every Thursday at 2:54pm where she got up to submit he work for the day to her boss and prepare to leave. He orchestrated this hello for the next… Ever… Until one day she stops. She looks at him and asked for his help. She needed a date for her cousins wedding and figured its be nice to get to know him better. He all of the sudden finds himself in this whirlwind of family affairs. Where his plain and awkward stature would help solve issues between her family. After attending many dinners, reunions and meetings, he finally asks the girl out. She says finally and accepts. He continues to be tangled in her families business but is caught off guard when his family shows up with there problems. The stress of this simple man having to live two very hectic lives, he panics. He leaves it all and drives south. He makes it about seven miles before his car dies. His brother had practiced being the terrible engineer he is on his car. He calls his girlfriend and she comes and rescue him. Forgetting the past they decide to take a vacation. Despite this simple man being plucked from his simple life, he still had something solid and grounded to hold on to: the love if his life.

Be Still And Know… What Exactly?

You’ve probably seen this phrase on a wall, social media page, or someone’s tattooed arm. “Be still and know,” has been a phrase that’s been used a lot to get people to calm themselves and not worry about the storm they are in. But if you’ve never actually read the verse, then you’re missing out! The phrase has so much more depth if you read it with some other scripture and read the last part of the phrase.

“Be still and know that I am God!”

Psalm 46:10a NLT

Okay so maybe you have read that whole phrase. It sounds so familiar, right? But for the unbeliever: it means so much. And for the believer: it means so much. And this meaning is found in two great little stories in the bible. One about Moses and the other; Elijah.

We’ll start with Moses. He was a Hebrew man born and raised in Egypt. His people were slaves by that time (originally refugees centuries prior) and yet he himself was like a prince! He was adopted by the king of Egypt’s daughter and raised as an Egyptian. Events led him to flee Egypt and he found himself wedding Zipporah, having kids and living a regular (1500 BC) kind of lifestyle. But one day, recorded in Exodus chapter 3, when he was watching his father in law’s flock, he wandered way out into the wilderness and came upon Mount Sinai. And on that mountain he saw, intriguingly, a bush that was burning, yet not burning up. It simply was ablaze. Turns out God was there and He spoke with Moses and told him to go back to his people in Egypt and free them. Moses asked in which god’s name would he be appearing before his people. You see the Egyptian culture (Moses’ adopted culture) believed in a god for almost everything. So naturally when he met “the God of his ancestors,” (vs. 3:6) he wanted to know God’s name.

Do you know how God responded? “I am that I am,” (vs. 4) the text reads. And looking at the original wording, it can be translated as a few different things, two of which being “I will be what I will be” and “I am because I am.”

To Moses, an unbeliever, God’s proof for His existence is His existence. God so boldly states that He is, simply because He is! When I tell people I’m a father, I usually back it up with pictures of my sons to prove my statement. When I say I’m a husband I point to the ring on my finger or the way I interact with other women. When I say I’m an author I show them my website and invite them to read one of my works. We always follow up with proof for our claim. God’s proof to His claim… is the claim itself. This is the boldest and most daring thing God could say to Moses.

God could have shown Moses a vision of how He created the universe. God could have told Moses every decision he had ever made. But when Moses asked God for His name… when he asked who God was as a god… our Lord simply and boldly stated that He is.

If this response is still a little confusing, (don’t worry, because it certainly can be!) let’s jump into our next story; what God says to the believer, Elijah.

Elijah is best known for his feat on Mount Carmel where he has a ‘whose god is best’ showdown against the prophets of Baal (1 Kings 18:20-40). The challenge is an epic one and well worth a read! Spoiler alert: Elijah and God kick butt!

“Perhaps he is daydreaming, or is relieving himself,” Elijah asks (vs. 27 NLT ). And his Lord is showing up by sending down fire from the sky and burning up a water drenched alter! God is proven to be God. Elijah means: my God is Yahweh, I’ve also heard it described as Yahweh is God and that perfectly sums up his ministry: proving God is God. Elijah backs up the statement, “I am that I am,” through his God-proving battle.

But, the story I want to tell takes place right after that accomplishment. A woman of great power, named Jezebel, wishes to kill Elijah because he is a prophet of the Most High. So he calls fire down on her! No, not really… he runs! He flees! He gets out of dodge!

And it’s in his moment of despair, when he is hiding and seemingly low on faith, that God shows up.

“9 And there he went into a cave, and spent the night in that place; and behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and He said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

10 So he said, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God of hosts; for the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.”

11 Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; 12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.”

1 Kings 19:9-12, NKJV

Where was God? He was in the quiet. He was in the still. He came to Elijah in that still, small voice because that’s what Elijah needed. He had seen God’s fire. He had seen God’s power. But Elijah needed to know that God was his… oh, the word for this is hard to find but let’s list a few: friend, protector, tender guider, shepherd, love. If there is a word that could sum all that up, it’d probably be Yahweh.

Imagine you’re in that cave. Are you afraid? Are you low on faith? Are you in the middle of a storm that could never be calmed? Are you before a mountain that you could never climb?

“The LORD Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”

Exodus 14:14 NLT

Listen and hear God’s whisper.

Luke Langman’s song “Every Word You Say” has a gorgeous opening line: “You only whisper because You’re close.”

God is not One who requires a chaotic approach. He is not One who requires a clean and perfectly practiced approach: He offers an approach to Himself that is calm, still, and awe filled. And as a result, we are calmed, stilled, and awed. Even if we come to Him in a storm, He’ll calm our waves (Matthew 8:23-27). If we come to Him with a mountain before us, He’ll move it (Micah 1:4, Mark 11:23, Matthew 17:20).

These two men, the unbeliever and the believer, were approached by God in a way that demanded awe. Did you know, Moses had to remove his sandals because he was upon holy ground (Exodus 3:5)? Elijah saw God’s power manifest in nature and yet His voice, His presence was found in a still, quiet, humble, small voice.

And if I were Elijah in that cave, I would close my eyes and listen to His whisper. I’d hear the One who exists because He exists say:

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Friends, He is God. He is your God and He fights for you. He loves you. He is enough for you. Calm yourself. Be still and know this.

This would be a great time to take a moment and reflect on the passages we just read. Reflect on what God has done in your own life. Maybe read Psalm 77. Do you notice the second half of Asaph’s prayer? Sometimes God doesn’t need to do a new, big thing in our lives. Sometimes we’ve got to look back at what He’s already done and remember that He’s close to us, whispering and leading us by the still waters (Psalm 23:2). Take some time, right now if you can, to pray and thank God for what He’s done in your life, invite His Spirit to meet with you and then just sit there and be still. Let God do the rest.

Kingdoms Prelude

His young, red hands shook. He was merely seven-years-old and stood six feet tall. He hunched over the corpse of his own brother. The body was stiff and blood surrounded the head where it had been slammed against the stone floor. The child, who had bested his kin in combat, gazed at the blazing fire that raged inside a clay alcove in the wall. He breathed heavily and despite what most would assume, he felt pride.

The cruel land of Kru’aka was nestled in the northern reaches of the fantastical world, Teros. Kru’aka housed one of the most brutal races known to the world: the Orken. In this brutal kingdom, an orken named Kal’drak was king. He was fierce and known for his lack of mercy: an expected quality in an Orken king.

He entered a large room, lit only by a fire on the northern wall. He saw his young orkling, his child, standing over another one of his orklings.

“Well done, Kul’drak,” the King said to his son. “Your kin’s death has assured your position as a warrior. Report to the barrack’s at first light to captain Kon’kra.”

“Yes, my king,” Kul’drak said as he took one final look at the dead orkling at his feet. The spar had indeed been initiated by the dead orkling. Kul’s brother, Gur, was merely five years older than he was. Gur, shamefully, had never killed before and thus, had not become a warrior in the Draken army. Gur’drak had approached his younger kin, Kul, and challenged him to a hand-to-hand duel to the death. Kul was ferocious, taking after his father, and defeated his kin

Kul’drak spent the next four decades fighting the wars of the Orken. He fought against many enemies and won many battles as a prominent warrior in the Draken army. His fame was quick to spread throughout the city he lived in; Krag-Ma’ak. He would soon be promoted to a captain in the Draken army, one of four, as a reward for his efforts and ability. Yet, unfortunately for him, his fame was a threat to his father’s rule. An orken king could be succeeded only through death and if an orken supposed themselves stronger than the king, they had the right to challenge the king in combat. The Orken hold no ties of endearment or favour towards family as their culture is strictly driven by loyalty. A child is loyal not to its parents, but to its king. In fact, the words mother, father, brother, and sister, were never spoken by Orken. They remained in the Orken language but were dormant words, aged out through the passing of time and the growing of their vigour. And so, when Kal’drak, King of Kru’aka, heard of his own kin’s success and quick rise through the Draken ranks, he became cautious of Kul’drak’s power.

Curiously, the female who birthed Kul’drak, his mother, and the loyal mate to the king, named Jul’drak, approached Kul and warned him of the king’s cautiousness towards him. Kul heeded his mother’s warning and strictly stayed in the barracks; training diligently and avoiding a promotion.

It was when Kul’drak was six-decades-old, a mere fraction of how long orken can live, that Kal’drak, his father and king, was killed. Kal’s own kin, Darg’drak challenged and defeated him in battle.

It was a grand day for the Orken in Kru’aka. The horn sounded from within the large arena in the War Hall; the central building in the city which housed the barracks, the sacred war chamber, and many other buildings crucial to Orken warring. The horn sounded three times, signifying a challenge.

Kal prepared himself, putting on his suit of thick iron armour. He looked to the eastern wall in his quarters and took hold of his massive axe that rested there. It was the last time he’d take that axe down from the wall.

He walked slowly through the city toward the War Hall. When he arrived, he was not even astonished to see it was his kin who had challenged him. Darg’drak genuinely meant nothing to the king. He may have been his brother, but to any true orken, he was simply someone that needed to die.

And yet, despite his determination, skill, and vigour; the battle was lost for him. His gauntlets had been ripped off during the battle. Kal found himself kneeling, holding his axe horizontally to defend again Darg’s incoming strike. Darg’s axe changed directions mid-swing and instead of chopping downward, swung sideways, catching Kal’s axehead as it went. Kal’s axe was ripped from his hands and Darg still held onto his own.

Kal’drak rested his frame, understanding what was to happen. In an interesting display of submission, he knelt still and allowed Darg’drak to sever his head from his shoulders.

The many hundreds of orken that lined the bleachers in the arena cheered and roared as Darg was victorious. Not because they were not content with Kal’s ruling, but because Darg was the commander of the Draken army and had indeed gained the loyalty of many orken in the city by his sheer strength. Thus, with almost a political acceptance, the residents of Krag-Ma’ak welcomed their new king.

With Darg’drak as the new King of Kru’aka, a new commander of the Draken army needed to be elected. A captain named Hil’gom was appointed commander in Darg’s stead. And in his place of captain, the young warrior, Kul’drak was promoted.

Many years later, after King Darg’drak had taken his dead brother’s mate for his own and produced offspring through her, the Draken entered into a heated battle between an enemy that lived in the mountain range just north of their kingdom: the Geerum. The Geerum sent a small raiding party to attack a few villages that rested just to the west of the great Orken city, Krag-Ma’ak. This attack was defended well by the local Draken militants. However, the Geerum’s forward attack was disturbing to the king, Darg’drak. He sent five hundred strong warriors to strengthen the western villages. Yet, the Geerum had planned for this. Their goal was to draw some more of the Draken army from the city and then attack them head-on.

Yet, something curious then happened. As the Geerum were amassed and ready to march south from their mountain and attack the Orken, a lone black metal arrow soared through the air and pierced the skull of the Geerum king. He reeled back and fell to the ground, dead. The Geerum, spooked by the assassination, retreated back into their mountain and remained dormant for a long time.

Rumours of this mysterious assassination quickly spread through the land. The Orken were glad for it but could not take any credit for the mysterious action.

After the tension between the Geerum temporarily subsided, Kul’drak continued to train with the other three captains. All of which shared the same clan name as he: Drak. Those of the Draken clan were not just of the same clan as the previous two kings, but they were truly remarkable in strength. Thus, it naturally occurred that all four captains and the king were of the Draken clan. The other captains were Dal’drak, Gan’drak, and Kil’drak. However, one of the other captains, Dal’drak, felt the Draken commander Hil’gom’s failure to defend the western villages from the surprise Geerum assault was unacceptable. He challenged the commander to a duel. The fight took place in the barracks, overseen by the other three captains and King Darg’drak himself. Dal was ferocious and ended the duel swiftly by killing his opponent. With full acceptance, Dal was promoted to the position of commander.

And in his stead, Kul’drak motioned for a young warrior who had proven himself to be extraordinarily strong for his age to become the next captain. This young warrior’s name was Ful’kag. Dal’drak and Ful’kag had actually crossed paths and sparred often. They had grown in comradery, which was not very familiar amongst orken warriors. Thus, Dal was quick to accept Kul’s notion and promoted the young Ful’kag to the position of captain.

Darg’drak, with Dal’drak as commander and Kul’drak and Ful’kag as his captains, led the Draken kingdom to many victories against foreign species. They warred and reigned with their fierce axes and brought the surrounding nations into submission.

However, the fierce reign of the Okren in Kru’aka came to a swift halt when the king, Darg’drak, was killed in his sleep. Orken only require a full night’s rest once every fortnight and thus, the window to assassinate the king was very slim. This killing of the king was a most unusual death for an orken as, being creatures of pride, assassination, subterfuge, dishonesty, and secrecy were foreign occurrences within the culture and hearts of the Orken.

It was on a warm summer day approaching dusk. Captain Kul’drak entered the barracks to spar with his fellow captain, Ful’kag. The two had become loyal warriors during their many decades of warring side-by-side. Yet, Ful’kag felt he had been closer to Dal’drak, an orken from the same clan as Kul’drak and the king, Darg’drak. Nonetheless, Ful’kag welcomed Kul’s challenge to a non-lethal duel.

The two sparred for quite some time before Kul’drak rose victorious. They, wanting to preserve each other’s life, used only their limbs to fight, setting aside their strong two-handed axes. With many cuts and bruises, Ful’lag lay on the sandy floor of the small arena they were in, grinning. He was proud to have fought against Kul’drak and respected him as a superior: even though they were of the same rank. Kul’s victory over him proved his might and worth.

Dal’drak, the commander of the Draken army, approached the pair wearing a similar grin. “Shall I duel the victor?” he proposed to Kul’drak. It was a later hour in the day and yet there were still many hundreds of orken inside the barracks, all of whom had turned their eyes to the sparring captains.

The orken are an interesting race to observe. They know nothing of love or envy. There are only a few emotions they experience. Two of which, are pride and loyalty. The loyalty of an orken is so strong that it dictates their thoughts and actions. Every orken is loyal to the strongest orken, typically the king. Often, however, orken can be loyal to their captain or commander. Seeing as the captain is loyal to the king, however, this does not present any conflicts. Or at least, it hadn’t previously.

And so, when Kul’drak defeated Ful’kag in the presence of other orken, those loyal to Ful’kag, and subsequently King Darg’drak, became loyal to Kul’drak. But because Kul’drak was supposedly loyal to Dark’drak, every orken’s ultimate loyalty to the king went unchanged.

“Let us begin,” Kul’drak said to Dal as he spread his arms wide, revealing his muscular red chest. Ful’kag limped his way out of the small circle he had lost his battle in and found a place to sit. He watched with anticipation as his revered fellow captain and his fierce commander began fighting.

Hand-to-hand combat in the Orken culture is a fascinating sight. An average orken weighs about five hundred pounds and stands eleven feet tall. Yet these massive creatures are incredibly graceful and skilled when it comes to fighting. In a combination of blocking a kick from Kul with his knee, Dal shifted his weight to land on his defending leg and struck Kul’s side with his other. The two fought in such a swift and silky duel that they could have been dancing. Most strikes were blocked or absorbed and neither of them said a word.

After a few minutes, Dal’drak surprisingly bested Kul. He spun and grabbed Kul’s arm as Kul was attempting to strike him with his fist. Dal dropped to his knees and leaned forward, causing Kul to flip over onto his back. Dal then shuffled forward and placed a knee on Kul’s neck, forcing him to forfeit the duel. Had it been a match to the death, Dal would have snapped Kul’s neck and he knew it.

The surrounding orken roared from the spectacle. Ful’kag grinned. Something burned within him; loyalty. He couldn’t help but gaze at his commander with an untamable pride.

And thus, after two firey duels, Kul’drak walked into his living quarters to sharpen his axe and prepare for his watch in the barracks: he and the other captains rotated their duties there. But on that night, to his surprise, someone awaited him in his chambers.

It was an orken from his clan, the one who had birthed him: Jul’drak. She sat on a stool made of a tree trunk and overlooked a blazing fire. She turned to Kul when he entered the room. She stood and approached him, she had a large axe in her hands. As she got closer, Kul’drak recognized the axe to be King Darg’drak’s.

“Darg is dead,” Jul’drak said. “Claim the kingdom as yours.” She handed Kul the large axe. If he were to present this axe to the Elders of the Draken, they would presume he had killed Darg and Kul would be elected as King of Kru’aka. The thought tempted him. It was not the usual way of Orken succession, however. And he knew it.

“How did his death befall him?”

“I know not,” Jul replied. “Have you heard the whispers of how the king of the Geerum died? An Assassin is what they say. Nonetheless, there is no one to claim the throne better than you.”

“Dal’drak is the stronger of us. And he is the commander of the Draken army. I am but a captain.”

“Dal is not fit to lead. You are. All orken revere you. Question no further.” Jul pressed the axe against Kul’s chest. “I will be seated in the throne room tomorrow upon an Elder’s balcony. Enter through the main doors and present the king’s head. The Council will pledge you as their king.” She marched away into the warm night having appointed the next king in Kru’aka.

The news of Darg’s death spread through the city and Kul’drak’s presentation of his severed head to the Council of Elders solidified his position as the new king in Kru’aka. Yet, to his surprise and dismay, it was merely one week before his kingdom fractured. His, own kin, his brother, Kil’drak who was young and had been promoted captain in his own place, had usurped from the Draken kingdom. His leaving was less than a grand display. He took the entire regiment beneath him and deserted to the nearby Forest of Fal’kir.

Kul’drak summoned his commander and the remaining captains to the War Chamber, a sacred room attached to the central War Hall that was the fabled place of all this war in the city, including the barracks. Kul’drak stormed into the War Chamber and found only Ful’kag was in attendance. He was kneeling, with his axe resting on the stone floor in front of him.

“Where are the others?” Kul demanded. He truly felt odd speaking to a close warrior such as Ful, however, he was enraged by Kil’s departure.

“They…” Ful struggled to speak. His muscled tensed and he closed his eyes. To his relief, three Elders surged into the room.

“Hail, King Kul’drak,” they said in unison.

“Krom’jun, Kon’kra, Kag’jun, speak well news upon me,” he said as he faced the Elders.

“We have not that,” Krom’jun, the oldest of the Elders said. “Not only has the captain Kil’drak usurped, but Gan’drak as well. And worse… your commander, Dal’drak too has fled. With them, most of the Draken army is gone.”

The roar that left Kul’draks lungs shook the bones of the four orken in that room. He understood the weak position he was then in. “Summon the five hundred draken posted in the western villages and draft every orken ten years or more; regardless if they have shed blood. We must bolster our army immediately.”

“Yes, King,” Kag and Kon said together as they left, leaving Krom’jun behind.

“This news is disturbing,” Kul’drak said as he turned and stepped toward Ful’kag. “Rise,” he said. “Ful’kag it is only fitting you assume the role of commander now. Live in the barracks for the next year, raise a new era of warriors and select for yourself four new captains to aid in our warring. Perhaps I will look to the Council of Elders for weakness that may be pruned. They have sat for long years and may need to prove their might again. Go now. We will convene shortly on your progress.”

Ful’kag stood swiftly and placed his fist against his chest. He nodded to Krom’jun as he exited the War Chamber.

“Never before has this kingdom seen such a fracture,” Krom’jun said openly. “What shall you do, Kul’drak?” He spoke plainly to the king, being some six hundred years his senior. “Shall you pursue and kill them?”

“War will be waged,” Kul’drak replied. He took a deep breath. “But the Draken must gather our strength. I feel this war will be long.”

The Walls Came Crumbling Down… PART 2

…God is good.

On January 26th, 2020 I published “Even If The Healing Doesn’t Come…” where we discussed why we can trust God in the hardest times.

And then on April 23rd, 2020, I published “New Wind” where we discussed how to bounce back after a hard blow to the faith.

And finally, on June 6th, 2020, I published “I Thought By Now… PART 1” where we discussed the importance of keeping on trusting God even when you thought by now He should have done something…

Well… Today we get to experience PART 2. Micah’s echo was just the other day and the doctor determined his heart has healed enough to discontinue his blood thinners which means no more injections.

This was surreal for my wife and I. It seems so small in writing but… it means we don’t have to wake him up every morning when he’s tired or put him to bed later than he’d like or pin him down with my body because he won’t stop thrashing… it means an era of peace for my family. Much, much needed peace. He still needs to take Aspirin daily to aid in the continued healing of his heart but the fact is: God did a miracle and healed Micah’s heart to a place where we don’t need to pump his body full of blood thinners. His heart is healing at a rate that is pleasing to the doctors.

After 6 months… we’ve finally gotten great news. As you know, it’s been a long hard road. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t doubt God along the way.

But constantly, He taught me. Constantly, He showed me His heart. I’ve learned more about God in the past 6 months than I have the past 6 years.

There is an old adage that goes like this:

“The tender (God) of the vine (you and me) is never more near the vine than when He is pruning it.”

It’s hard when bad things happen. Sometimes it feels unbearable. But God’s there. EVEN when it doesn’t feel like He is… He is.

We can rest in His promises. Which was a tough one for me because in January, after leaving the hospital, I wanted to cling to a promise. I prayed and asked God to show me a promise that I knew He’d fulfill. But I didn’t have one that really stuck out. Nothing really gave me that unexplainable hope that I was looking for.

But in hindsight… this is the promise that God instilled on my heart:

“Taste and see that the Lord is good.
Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!”
Psalm 34:8 NLT

Tasting and seeing are actions. Physical actions. God is good and you will see it. Even if you don’t feel it now. Even if the healing doesn’t come. Even if the walls don’t ever fall… God is good and that’s His promise. That’s the promise that I’ve learned. God is good.

So thank you all for your prayers and support… and whatever hole you’re in… know that God is good.

All the time.

And all the time?

God is good.

I Thought By Now… PART 1

“Walking around these walls… I thought by now they’d fall… but…”

These are the opening words to Elevation Worship’s song, “Do It Again.” Do you know what the next part is? If not, it’ll just be a few more paragraphs until I tell you!

Alright, you know that my son, Micah, has/had Kawasaki Disease. AND you may also know that June 9th (which at the time of releasing this article is next week) is HOPEFULLY his final appointment with the heart doctors as we hope he is 100% healed by then.

Yet in these last two weeks, I slumped back into the same sort of dark and despair kind of mindset that I had after coming home from the hospital with Micah back in December. This darkness only hit me for a day or two but it was such a stark reminder of where God has pulled me from.

And how did I get there? Well, similarly as before, it was because we had to take Micah to the emergency room.

It all began… with a cut. A cut? Yes! A cut on his finger. Now, most kids would’ve just healed up quickly after some pressure, polysporin, and bandaging. But Micah? His body is pumped full of blood thinners every day. 40mg of Aspirin orally every morning. 20mg of Enoxaparin injected every 12 hours into his muscle tissue.

So when he bleeds… he bleeds. At first, things were okay. About a week and a half in, it had already healed over nicely and things were looking up. But then he developed a pyogenic granuloma. I’m not going to explain it because I don’t fully understand it so feel free to google that term! Anyways, a massive bulge/growth of blood developed right underneath his cut. And then it burst. And it gushed. We took him to the hospital to have emergency surgery on his finger and some stitches. I couldn’t go in because, due to COVID-19, only one caregiver was allowed per patient. Also, someone had to watch Asher!

The nurses and doctors were impressed at the amount of blood. But he and my wife came back that night and things seemed okay again. And then the pyogenic granuloma returned. And now we’ve got to see a specialist and they’ll have to perform a more in-depth surgery to make sure it gets taken care of.

Obviously, this isn’t too big of a deal; but for my family, it was a hard hit to take. We’ve been through a lot with Micah’s health and this just seemed like such an unnecessary allowance of suffering.

And like I mentioned for about a day or two I felt so distant from God. I felt sick of asking Him to heal Micah. I mean, what’s the point if it doesn’t happen, right?

Wrong. And that’s where we get into Elevation Worship’s song:

“Walking around these walls
I thought by now they’d fall
But You have never failed me yet
Waiting for change to come
Knowing the battle’s won
For You have never failed me yet”

Waiting for Micah’s healing is like walking around the walls of Jericho. And on the seventh day on the sixth lap, I’m thinking… God! I thought we’d be done by now!

As we go into next week, we find out if God’s done it. We find out of God’s healed Micah’s precious little heart completely. And that’s why I titled this article PART 1; because there is a PART 2 coming but I just don’t know what it will be like. I have FAITH that it will be what God wants. Because we all know what I want. And I TRUST that it will be best for Micah. Because we all know what I think is best for Micah. And oddly…

Oddly enough, those aren’t always the same: what God wants, what I want. What God thinks, what I think. You may have just thought, “Well duh. Every sermon ever has taught me that.”

I’m talking about my kid. My kid. Don’t you think his healing would be what God wants? Don’t you think that that’s the best thing for my little bright man? Oddly…

Oddly enough, sometimes it’s not. I mean, clearly! This happened! And God allowed it.

So that leaves us here.

And I know you’re probably, hopefully, matching this up as an analogy for what you’re going through: divorce, cancer, bankruptcy, criticism, doubt, emancipation, anything! Life’s full of injustices and heartbreaks.

But can I tell you something? Something I learned on the drive home from dropping Micah off at the hospital.

I’ve been working from home these past few months and so I don’t drive much which means I don’t get to listen to my favourite radio station which plays Christian music all day long.

And so I’m driving home from the hospital and I’m thinking I’ve got to drown out my thoughts, tears, doubt, anger, etcetera, etcetera. So I turn on the radio, to CHVN (my favourite station), and this is what I heard:

“Fear is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
‘Cause fear, he is a liar”

Zach Williams’ song “Fear Is A Liar” had never hit me so hard.

My fear… of what could happen to Micah. Your fear of ________________… It robs us. In the above lyrics, Zach personifies Fear which I think is a neat concept. And Fear… He takes our breath. Stops us in our steps. Robs our rest. Steals our happiness.

Fear robs us of something else too. I realized, driving through Winnipeg that Sunday afternoon; one kid in my van, one in the hospital, that my fear… blocks my faith. I was afraid Micah was going to bleed out in that hospital and that was it. But that thought BLOCKED my faith in God’s miraculous, healing love. Don’t get me wrong; God can do what He wants. But in my heart… my fear kept me from having faith in God. I couldn’t think about what He could do. I was just thinking about what could happen.

God, in His word, has the words “fear not” at least 80 times.

God, speaking to us now as His grafted-in children, says in Isaiah 43:

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.”
Isaiah 43:1b NLT

God says straight up that we shouldn’t be afraid because He’s bought us. He’s bought us from death and suffering and hell with the blood of Jesus Christ so we don’t have to be afraid of whatever hell-on-earth we may face… We’re His. And that’s that.

But don’t get me wrong; my dark days came after this thought. I felt emotionless. I felt unable to pray to God. I felt unable to engage in His word. I read things like:

“We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us.”
2 Corinthians 1:8b-10 NLT

Which gave me some comfort. And:

“For Jesus Christ, the Son of God, does not waver between “Yes” and “No.” He is the one whom Silas, Timothy, and I preached to you, and as God’s ultimate “Yes,” he always does what he says. For all of God’s promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding “Yes!” And through Christ, our “Amen” (which means “Yes”) ascends to God for his glory.”
2 Corinthians 1:19-20 NLT

Which told my mind that all God’s promises are YES and that Christ is the ultimate YES and that, in Him, I can be safe because will Micah be healed: YES, will we see an end to this pain: YES, will my son go back to the way he was: YES. But that verse told my mind those truths. It didn’t tell my heart. I felt numb.

And then I closed my eyes. And my mind thought so many things. Like:

“You’re selfish for wallowing in this. It could be so much worse.”

Yeah. It could be worse. It could be way worse but I’m justified in feeling my pain because I, and you, are human! So we can’t let our little minds or other people’s negative influence tell us that we can’t feel our pain because that only delays what needs to happen. And what needs to happen… is this:

A connection with God.

Sometimes it’s a confrontation. Sometimes it’s in desperation. Sometimes it’s in whatever form your faith can stomach.

How do we do that? I don’t know. Sometimes I get it in the word but this time I think it was in prayer. I don’t even know. But all of a sudden, with my eyes close, I felt this message. I don’t know if this was from God’s lips or if it was His Holy Spirit guiding my mind to come to a conclusion: I don’t care. This was the message:

Micah is God’s child before He’s my child. And so don’t you (me) think God would do what’s best for him? Obviously God is going to take care of this kid in the way that God sees right.

And I tell you; I felt like the weight that was in my heart dissolved. I felt comforted. Because I connected with God. But in our despair, it is so hard to do that! People don’t get it! I didn’t get it before 2020. When people say “go to God” and it’ll fix your pain I ask the question: “WHAT IF GOD IS THE PAIN? WHAT THEN?”

Thankfully, God’s never the pain. He’s never the pain. Yes, He may have allowed the pain. But He’s not the pain. He’s the cure. He’s the ointment. He’s the bandage. He’s the graft. He’s every fixing right down to a RESURRECTION!

That’s what God is to us when we’re in the darkest of holes. And as soon as our hearts will allow us to grasp that, as mine did, all this garbage becomes so much easier to deal with. Easier… not easy.

So that’s my two weeks. And next week… I sure hope the healing has come.

My wife reached out to Dr. Sam to ask him what kind of comfort there is in all this. He said Jesus Christ is the ultimate comfort. And then he prayed for Micah and prayed that the doctors would be astounded by a supernatural healing. I pray that too. And you should too. Have faith that it will take place. BUT we’ve got to remember that if God doesn’t answer… If God doesn’t RESCUE us in the timeline that we want… That means He’s got something else planned. And God’s plans are always better. And so there’s comfort in the waiting. (Head on over to YouTube to watch a video I made detailing these events in a simple-to-grasp illustration aimed at kids – release date is June 12th so hang tight!)

We need to remind our fear-drenched hearts that God is still on our side! God is for us. God’s promises still stand and they’re fulfilled in Jesus Christ.

And remember “Do It Again” – God has never failed us yet. A critic would say, “God never fails you and He never will fail you. Saying God hasn’t failed you YET is heresy.”

Well, guess what critic; sometimes it feels like God has failed us.

I’ve led you to this song before and I’m going to do it again (no that’s not a pun: it’s a different song).

Bethel Music’s John Mark and Sarah McMillan’s “King Of My Heart” has an often confusing bridge for people.

It goes like this:

“You’re never gonna let
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let
You’re never gonna let me down

‘Cause You are good
You are good, oh oh
You are good
You are good, oh oh”

Most people see this part of the song as a declaration FROM God to us; that He’s never going to let us down.

But we know… He does: according to our plans and/or timing.

These words are intended to be FROM us to God. We are declaring to God that He will never let us down. No matter what comes our way. Sickness, death, divorce, etcetera, etcetera: He will never let us down because we are in full acceptance of His will and whatever He wants for our lives. It’s a full confession of our trust in Him.

Because… He is good. All the time.

And all the time?

…

I’ll answer that question in PART 2. No matter what the outcome of next week is.

New Wind

We need new wind. What do I mean?

We’ve all heard or read this verse before:

“Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth.”

Ephesians 4:14 NLT

But guess what? This is not what I mean by New Wind. Just thought I’d get that out there first.

No, what I mean is explained best by some analogies.

Have you ever played any kind of full-contact or semi-contact sport? When a player gets knocked down or receives a bad hit, oftentimes they experience extreme fatigue, an inability to breathe properly, and a sincere need to rest and sit out the rest of the play, round, game, etc.

Most people refer to this as getting the wind knocked out of them. Like getting punched in the gut during a boxing match.

Also, when your little kid is running rampant from some kind of sugar rush or just having energy because they somehow have twice the amount of energy you have but are half the size… they’re likely going to crash. And sometimes this crash is rough. Screaming is a common symptom. And sometimes the only cure is a TV show.

But sometimes this kid of yours gets a sudden burst of energy, again! They’re running off the walls and screaming (joyously now). What is this often referred to as? Catching their second wind.

Let’s turn these two analogies toward our faith, shall we? After all, that’s what we’re reading this for!

Life is going to hit you hard sometimes. God’s going to ask you to do something crazy. And maybe, when life hits us hard, or God puts us through something that’s uncomfortable, it can feel like He’s not there with us.

What we need to do when this happens is to ask God for something: new wind.

I used to believe that faith was a muscle. I believed if I constantly read the bible and constantly prayed (Psalm 119:11, 1 Thess. 5:16) that I would be exercising my faith muscle which would in turn strengthen me so that when a storm came, I was strong enough to endure it.

Don’t get past me wrong, there is truth in this. It’s important to exercise your faith to strengthen it and to spend more time with God so your relationship with Christ can deepen and be richer. From this, you can gain confidence, surety, and peace.

But guess what? If you get punched in the gut, you’re going to be winded.

And brother, sister, did I ever get punched in the gut. When Micah was diagnosed with Kawasaki Disease and we spent a week in the hospital not knowing what was wrong or if he was going to be okay; when we got home and he was like a different kid and we had to give him two needles a day to prevent his heart from trying to kill him, and when God seemed to ignore my calls for help; allowing him to not get better for three months while we sat on the edge of our seats: it was a punch to the gut of my faith.

The gut of our faith is probably not going to be a popular expression among the church going forward, but bear with me here.

I thought I was strong! I thought that because I was so close to God, and my faith was “unshakable,” I could handle anything He sent me! But guess what… when life hits you hard: it knocks the wind out of you.

Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV says:

“⁸For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹not by works, so that no one can boast.”

So if I thought the strength of my faith could get me through something, and that the strength of my faith came from me exercising it… what did I think? I thought it was from me. I thought it was from my works alone.

What I didn’t realize was this: only God can give us our second wind. And we need it every day!

My perspective changed. Just like Elisha’s servant in the awesome story from 2 Kings, chapter 6. An army was coming against Elisha and his servant; two versus an entire army!

“Oh no, my lord! What shall we do?” the servant asked in verse 15.

“Don’t be afraid!” Elisha responded in verse 16. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”

What kind of math is that? Elisha went on to pray for the situation. Did he pray that God would send an army to fight for them? No. Did he pray that God would teleport them out of there? No! He prayed the servant’s eyes would be opened to see what was already there: God’s army.

And when Joshua (Joshua 6) and the people of Israel are on their sixth lap around Jericho after six days of doing this and thinking to themselves: “What are we doing? God’s told us to do this crazy thing! This will never work!”

It’s so easy to feel winded when we’re surrounded by bad situations or when we’ve exhausted ourselves following what we feel God has told us to do. And that’s because we’re human and weak and broken vessels.

But that’s where God meets us! That’s when He steps in, gives us new wind and allows us to see what’s really there: His protection. He allows us to conquer that high walled city by His strength.

Remember Gideon? He had 32,000 soldiers with him ready to fight against the enemy that was attacking (Judges 7). But God says there’s too many! So everyone who is afraid of fighting is told to head home. Gideon’s left with 10,000 now. But even then, God says there’s too many! So they weed out even more soldiers until finally… Gideon and only 300 others remain. To fight an army! And guess what? They won.

After Jesus ascended, the disciples where thrown in prison so many times. They were flogged and persecuted and hated and hunted. But God kept giving them a new wind to carry on. Most of them ended up killed, but it was with the strength of God in their lungs.

God allows us to go through all these struggles and confusing scenarios. Personally, I don’t believe He causes it. But for some reason He allows it. What I do know is He stretches us, puts us in uncomfortable places, allows our kids to get sick. And I can’t tell you why God allowed your specific trial or misery. I know one of the reasons why He allowed mine: I’ve learned so much about Him and my walk with Him through this and I know I’ll have so much to teach Micah through the years about how God protected Him. A global pandemic called the Coronavirus broke out one month after we left the hospital… My work just so happened to insure 80% of the $400 / month medication that Micah had to take (Lovenox brand enoxaparin blood thinner with 8mm needles). Micah’s heart could have been damaged in one of two ways: healable and non-healable. Guess which way God allowed Micah’s heart to be damaged? The healable way. I can see God’s finger print throughout this entire horrible, horrible ordeal. And that makes me give Him all the glory.

Well… that’s just plain selfish, isn’t it? God allows us to go through misery just so He can have the fame and glory when we get out of the trial?

Firstly: He’s the Creator; so technically He deserves all the glory for every victory we have.

Secondly: Why do you think God wants the glory? It’s because He wants everyone to know He did it. Everyone knew God defeated the Arameans for Elisha. Everyone knew God tore down the walls of Jericho for Joshua. Everyone knew it was God who defeated the Midianites for Gideon.

And why? If everyone knows God did it… everyone acknowledges God.

When I give God the glory for healing Micah’s heart: I’m telling my co-workers not only that God exists, but that He’s good.

Okay. So it’s not by our own strength that we bounce back from a punch to the gut of our faith.

Our lives are a ring (boxing term). We’re in it, gloves on, and there’s a scary boxer on the other side. He could be debt, he could be a child wandered away from the faith, he could be an unfaithful spouse, he could be a sick kid, he could be a lost job, he could be cancer, he could be temptation, he could be failure, he could be depression, anxiety, hatred, abuse, alcohol, injury, and all the time; he is fear.

And sometimes… he’s going to hit us in the gut. We’re going to be down and thinking: “God… where are you?”

But God’s right there and He’s waiting for the RIGHT time to give you your second wind. To fill your lungs with a new wind that’s going to give you enough strength to knock down whatever it is on the other end of that ring that’s taunting you. And when you knock down that dreadful giant know this: it was the wind of God in you that did it. It was Christ living in you through His Spirit that gave you the strength.

And get this!

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

And,

“Yes, and the Lord will deliver me from every evil attack and will bring me safely into his heavenly Kingdom. All glory to God forever and ever! Amen.”

2 Timothy 4:18 NLT

Whatever you’re fighting has been fought before. God is faithful; He’s not going to allow you to get hit in the gut to the point where you can’t recover. He’s going to give you a new wind so you can get back up, bear the next hit, and finish the fight. And every battle that comes your way, He’ll rescue you from.

And it is to God that we should give all the glory for that victory.

And that victory… could be a long way ahead. You might have to take a hit two, three times before your new wind comes. But every day. And I mean every day. If all you have the strength to do is fall on your knees and pray, asking God for that new wind. That’s enough.

He’ll take that. He’ll give you that new wind. We’ve just got to know that it’s on His terms. He’s a good God to trust.

Don’t Let The Old Man Back In

Did you know if you’re a true follower of Christ you have died? Did you know you were made into a new person? This may seem pretty strange and I’ll be honest, it is a strange concept!

“For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism. And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives.”
Romans 6:4 NLT

and,

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

This death is usually not sudden. Becoming/being this new person also seems to be a process. Before God, we’re seen as new, but if we are honest with ourselves… we still sin and do things as if the Holy Spirit wasn’t in us guiding every single choice. Hopefully, He’s guiding most, but certainly not all, right?. But with this awesome gift; being made new, comes a responsibility to… try.

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honourable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”
Philippians 4:8 NLT

Did you catch that?

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honourable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

How about now?

Yes. I just made you read that three times! Let’s do an inventory of the last week, shall we? Did we do anything, think anything, say anything that does not meet the requirement of that verse? I sure did. Here’s an example!

I allowed frustration to get the best of my attitude at work. A coworker was doing their job through a process of control; sure, it wasn’t in the most gracious way, however, it was still their job. It directly affected me and my response was getting frustrated and bothered by their approach. What I should have done was look at their actions, understand why they were doing what they were doing and then approach the situation with humility and be helpful. Instead, I did what I was supposed to begrudgingly: which only affected me negatively! That person moved on with life and went on to the next thing. It was me who brewed in frustration for the day.

When we do this, anything that doesn’t line up with God’s will, we are behaving like what Paul refers to as “the old man” in Ephesians 4:21-22 NKJV. This is the person we were before we met Christ. AND this is the person we were while we were meeting Christ (like myself, I was in the process of meeting my Jesus for seventeen years before I really understand who He was to me and who I should be to Him). Additionally, this old man is the person we were this last week when we did/said/felt those things we should not have.

So clearly, this whole business about being a new creation is indeed a process. And it’s our duty to not let the old man back in. We were that person but now we’ve got a responsibility to our God to move on!

Were you in a relationship before you got married? Were you on a sport’s team before your current one? Did you have a different math teacher last year? Do you have a new boss?

How do you think your spouse would feel if you went on a date, right now, with the person you used to date? Imagine your teammates’ frustration as you scored a goal on your own team in order to help your former. Imagine your math teacher’s confusion when you submitted a homework assignment from the previous year, instead of the one they just assigned you. Imagine you still reporting to your old boss and not your new one and how awkward of a situation that would be for your new boss.

Imagine how God feels. He sent His own Son to die for our sins, the rightful punishment for our wrongs (Romans 6:23) and He suffered the worst of deaths in a human body all so He could redeem us and call us His own, again. And then we go and sin. And sin and sin and sin.

OK, I really don’t mean to guilt us here! But are you on the same page with me now regarding how we’ve got to try and do our best for our new spouse, coach, teacher, leader: Lord?

Awesome! I’m glad you agree! So… how do we do this? Paul writes a frustrated memoir of sorts about his temptation:

^“15I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.

…

¹⁸And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. ¹⁹I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.”

Romans 7:15, 18-19 NLT

Have you ever felt like Paul? He perfectly captures the battle with sin!

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

“²¹if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: ²²that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, ²³and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, ²⁴and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.”
Ephesians 4:21-24 NKJV

“knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin.”
Romans 6:6 NKJV

“He personally carried our sins
in his body on the cross
so that we can be dead to sin
and live for what is right.
By his wounds
you are healed.”
1 Peter 2:24 NLT

Honestly, there is not much to say after these verses. But they don’t really give a “how to quit sin” guideline. Yet they do tell us something. Jesus died for us and we are healed. We are also to “put on” the new creation. To be renewed in the spirit of our mind. This tells us it’s a choice. We have to choose to be this new creation. We have to choose to protect our mind and dwell on the things that Philippians 4:8 tells us about. Matthew 15:11 tells us that it is what comes out of us that defiles us.

You see, we’ve got to control the input into our lives which will, in turn, affect the output. If we guard our hearts and minds, we will have a WAY better chance at resisting our “old man.”

“²³Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life.
²⁴Avoid all perverse talk;
stay away from corrupt speech.
²⁵Look straight ahead,
and fix your eyes on what lies before you.
²⁶Mark out a straight path for your feet;
stay on the safe path.
²⁷Don’t get sidetracked;
keep your feet from following evil.”
Proverbs 4:23-27 NLT

Life is hard. But God wants us to be near Him and every time we sin, we push Him away. The best way to be the one He has “re-made” us to be is by looking at these verses and making sure there is nothing in our lives that is dragging us down or anything that is tied to the old man. If you’re married: you don’t date your ex. If you join a new team: you don’t play for the old one. If you’ve got a new teacher: you do their assignments, not your old one’s. If you’ve got a new boss: you answer to them, not your old one. We don’t belong to the old one. Don’t let him/her back in!

A good Psalm to end this article off with would be Psalm 101.

Let’s do our best this week to behave/think/speak like we are NEW in Christ.

Even If The Healing Doesn’t Come…

As most of you reading this now already know, my son, Micah, has Kawasaki Disease. He was diagnosed with this blood disease on December 10th of 2019. Micah is 2 and a half years old and has to get injections (needles) of blood thinner into either his thighs or biceps twice a day. 7 A.M. and 7 P.M.

This was probably the hardest thing my wife and I have ever been through. Often, hard times are made easier by the Lord’s presence. However, we didn’t feel Him. Many times tragedy isn’t as loud because you can hear God speaking. But we didn’t hear Him. In the darkest of days, God’s peace can be the only thing that gets you through. But His peace was gone.

But the silence didn’t last forever. The peace came. And I’m writing this article to tell you all about it.

You can watch a video my wife and I made explaining the process of finding out, being hospitalized and then the treatment our son needed and still requires.

“Kawasaki Disease Awareness Day: Our Experience With Kawasaki”

Something we didn’t mention in the video, however, is the odd fact that God was incredibly silent during this experience. We would cry out to Him, literally with tears on our face, but not hear an answer. We’d ask for His peace and wouldn’t feel it. We’d ask for His healing and wouldn’t see it.

Chris McClarney’s song “I’m Listening” has incredible opening lines:

“When You speak, confusion fades.

Just a word, and suddenly I’m not afraid.

Cause You speak, and freedom reigns.

There is hope, in every single word You say.”

I believe that… but I didn’t feel it because I couldn’t hear Him. It was like a foggy and silent night. But it didn’t last forever. Eventually, His peace did come and we felt comforted in knowing God will take care of Micah, and ultimately have His will/way with Micah’s life.

Before Micah was born, I prayed for him every single day while he was in the womb. One of the things I would frequently pray for is his health. And I remember specifically praying against diseases. Guess what? God heard me… but He didn’t answer that prayer.

A lot of people believe when we pray we’re forcing God into a contract wherein He’s got to do what we ask (heal, provide, etc.) but that’s not the case.

God’s will transcends ours and sometimes (most of the time) we don’t know or understand what it truly is. Up until now, I’ve lived my life acting and praying and hoping for the best. But I feel like I’ve learned a whole new side of God: an enigmatic side where He doesn’t reveal what He’s doing.

The bible verse that has really stuck with us is Romans 8:28:

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.”

Honestly, that’s enough to get us through this: just simply knowing God’s got Micah and He’ll use this for good. But the crazy/scary thing is… God’s good might be different from what we may think. I know my good is to have Micah 100% healed with no residual effects. But that may not be God’s. And I will certainly continue to pray/beg God to heal Micah but… again, God hears but He doesn’t have to act. His plans are larger.

Now, you may ask: why does God allow this? How could God allow Micah to get this disease? Or how could God allow _____________.

Why doesn’t He stop it?

I’ve learned something in the very few times that I have felt God’s whispering to my heart during this past season. God does protect kids from diseases. God does stop _________ from happening. But sometimes, He doesn’t. And it’s 1/10,000,000 times often! Every day we drive home from work and could get killed in a car crash. But we aren’t. And yet we get mad at God for the one time it does happen to a friend/family member. I have had 2.5 years of a healthy Micah and 1 year of a healthy Asher. That’s God’s doing too.

My perspective has changed because I know God is shaping everything for good… I’ve just got to endure it! Because sometimes it can affect me in a way that I don’t want.

Kutless has an amazing song that I’ve sung in my head countless times in the last few weeks. It’s even inspired the title of this article. Because I know this is a possibility.

“Even If The Healing Doesn’t Come”

And in the second verse, there are some words that are truly incredible to study.

“Lord, we know Your ways are not our ways so we set our faith in who You are.

Even though You reign high above us, You tenderly love us, we know Your heart.

We rest in who You are.”

God’s ways are not our ways. THEREFORE we must set our faith in who He is. We cannot put our faith in His works, because we don’t know them. We can’t put our faith in our works, because we’re fallible. We must put our faith in who He is. How? He has shown us who He is. He may not reveal His plan, but He reveals His heart. We can simply rest in who He is. For more on that, check out the Faith Article “Be Still And Know… What Exactly?”

Don’t worry, it’s taken me a while to be able to write this. Like I wrote at the beginning of this article, things were pretty quiet and yet I still tried to trust God… but I didn’t know how or what to trust Him with. His peace, and His reintroduction into our lives, was pretty slow.

We had some friends over for a “normal” get together. We ate, talked, laughed; it was great! The next day I was at work and felt something I hadn’t felt in a month… Peace! I texted my wife:

“Is it just me… or do you feel really good about our situation right now???”

My wife hadn’t noticed it until I pointed out, but she felt the same way too! We both agreed that we had God’s peace and it was amazing to feel it again.

That same week was when He whispered how I could trust Him and put my faith in Him through listening to that second verse of “Even If The Healing Doesn’t Come.” I often told people that this experience scathed away all the accessories of my faith and left me with just the foundational faith I had built through the years. God has revealed Himself in many ways to me through His Word and through studying His Word. And because I know He is good, righteous, faithful, loving, just, my Father, my friend, and my healer… I can trust Him.

I can trust Him with my son’s life.

EVEN IF the healing doesn’t come…

Writer’s Block

You’ll soon learn that Romance with a tragic twist is a favourite of mine. I experienced writer’s block with only one of my stories: For As Long As I Can’t Remember. So, I wrote a story about it! Glen has writer’s block with the same exact story and it takes a new friend of his to open his eyes and see what he’s been missing: her.

To start reading Writer’s Block, click HERE

When I Was Younger

Do you have a sibling that seems to have lived a different childhood than you by the way they describe it? Unfortunately, this can happen and not moving on with life and forgiving can lead to a lot of damage and regret. I wrote this story to attempt to bring healing to those who may have experienced this. This story is riddled with elements from my own childhood experiences.

Our character, Ash, has to make a journey into forgiveness, as a man, that we all need to. But for Ash, he’s a bit too late. Hopefully, we won’t be.

To read When I Was Younger, click HERE

Patient Zero

I told myself I’d never write about Zombies, Vampires, or Werewolves. And then I watched World War Z and thought… “that would be so much fun!”

But I couldn’t do supernatural Zombies… so I made a different kind of Zombie. A Zombie that died after 2 weeks. And then I thought – it must have been an intentionally spread disease… and that gave me the opportunity to reinstate the psychopathic group “the Sanctified.” This group appears in a few of my stories so it was great to work them in and almost show an origin story.

To read Patient Zero, click HERE

Kingdoms

If a story could blow up… this story is the one.

Originally, I had conceived the title Kingdoms which would feature four brothers who warred against each other. I knew there would be some kind of book hidden away in a cave, guarded by little lizard people, and I knew it was going to be epic. I take credit for those parts of the story, the rest… just blew up.

I began writing the first scene of Chaos in 2014, I think. I imagined it perfectly and described it as I imagined it. And then the character we learned about: lost. I figured the king wouldn’t like it so he killed him. Or did he? When Ful wakes up at the bottom of the throne room, we start to realize there are some uncharacteristically tender feelings to this king…

The kind of thought process is how Chaos was written. It literally unfolded itself. And then over the course of the next 6 years, the entire Saga showed itself to me one day at a time. New races, kingdoms, characters, books, short stories, enemies, and even classes of species arrived on the pages on my writing app. I was just privileged to learn about the world of Teros first!

I feel this story is necessary as it is a Fantasy story that doesn’t have witchcraft, course language, or sexual content. It’s clean! And that makes it rare. And needed.

To start reading Kingdoms, click HERE

James Cooper: The Painter

I was sixteen when this story came to life. I remember going to work, thinking all day about this story, and then coming home and writing down the plot outline. Inspired by so many crime dramas out there, The Painter is one of my favourites as its story starts off small but grows into something so large it carries on decades later and on into World War Four!

The cast was originally James Conners, Agent Wing, and Bridgette. Renamed to James Cooper, Agent Ward, and Breanna. I picked up the story years later and decided to rebrand the bunch.

I struggled with this story a lot as its ending was incredibly, incredibly disappointing to me. But… that’s how life goes sometimes. And I’ll admit, I may be the author but that does not mean I have the authority to change how a story develops. All of my stories grow on their own… I just write them down and hope my favourite characters get to live!

To read James Cooper: The Painter, click HERE

The Godmother

This one was fun! The name came a little bit after I started writing.

This story literally started by me imagining the scene described when Carmine is on the beach and someone tries to steal from her. I imagined this woman who was way too confident and snipers lighting up the beach and her saying something about her daddy being protective.

I also wanted to explore the concept of doing a whole lot of wrong to accomplish a whole lot of right. And this story certainly explores that! It’s slowly becoming one of my favourites due to the action, espionage, and overall thrill.

It also allowed me to bridge a few other stories I was working on: Amber, Resurrection Man, To Serve and Defect, and finally Face to Face With Death Itself. All of which ask the same question: what kind of wrong is okay in order to do good. I’ll be compiling all five of these short stories into one compilation and will sell it online somewhere. Face to Face With Death Itself will exclusively be available through purchasing that compilation as it is far, far too dark for Green Leaf Writing.

To read The Godmother, click HERE

Author: Elijah Buchan

The Kingdom of War: XXI

To Be Frank