As most of you reading this now already know, my son, Micah, has Kawasaki Disease. He was diagnosed with this blood disease on December 10th of 2019. Micah is 2 and a half years old and has to get injections (needles) of blood thinner into either his thighs or biceps twice a day. 7 A.M. and 7 P.M.
This was probably the hardest thing my wife and I have ever been through. Often, hard times are made easier by the Lord’s presence. However, we didn’t feel Him. Many times tragedy isn’t as loud because you can hear God speaking. But we didn’t hear Him. In the darkest of days, God’s peace can be the only thing that gets you through. But His peace was gone.
But the silence didn’t last forever. The peace came. And I’m writing this article to tell you all about it.
You can watch a video my wife and I made explaining the process of finding out, being hospitalized and then the treatment our son needed and still requires.
“Kawasaki Disease Awareness Day: Our Experience With Kawasaki”
Something we didn’t mention in the video, however, is the odd fact that God was incredibly silent during this experience. We would cry out to Him, literally with tears on our face, but not hear an answer. We’d ask for His peace and wouldn’t feel it. We’d ask for His healing and wouldn’t see it.
Chris McClarney’s song “I’m Listening” has incredible opening lines:
“When You speak, confusion fades.
Just a word, and suddenly I’m not afraid.
Cause You speak, and freedom reigns.
There is hope, in every single word You say.”
I believe that… but I didn’t feel it because I couldn’t hear Him. It was like a foggy and silent night. But it didn’t last forever. Eventually, His peace did come and we felt comforted in knowing God will take care of Micah, and ultimately have His will/way with Micah’s life.
Before Micah was born, I prayed for him every single day while he was in the womb. One of the things I would frequently pray for is his health. And I remember specifically praying against diseases. Guess what? God heard me… but He didn’t answer that prayer.
A lot of people believe when we pray we’re forcing God into a contract wherein He’s got to do what we ask (heal, provide, etc.) but that’s not the case.
God’s will transcends ours and sometimes (most of the time) we don’t know or understand what it truly is. Up until now, I’ve lived my life acting and praying and hoping for the best. But I feel like I’ve learned a whole new side of God: an enigmatic side where He doesn’t reveal what He’s doing.
The bible verse that has really stuck with us is Romans 8:28:
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.”
Honestly, that’s enough to get us through this: just simply knowing God’s got Micah and He’ll use this for good. But the crazy/scary thing is… God’s good might be different from what we may think. I know my good is to have Micah 100% healed with no residual effects. But that may not be God’s. And I will certainly continue to pray/beg God to heal Micah but… again, God hears but He doesn’t have to act. His plans are larger.
Now, you may ask: why does God allow this? How could God allow Micah to get this disease? Or how could God allow _____________.
Why doesn’t He stop it?
I’ve learned something in the very few times that I have felt God’s whispering to my heart during this past season. God does protect kids from diseases. God does stop _________ from happening. But sometimes, He doesn’t. And it’s 1/10,000,000 times often! Every day we drive home from work and could get killed in a car crash. But we aren’t. And yet we get mad at God for the one time it does happen to a friend/family member. I have had 2.5 years of a healthy Micah and 1 year of a healthy Asher. That’s God’s doing too.
My perspective has changed because I know God is shaping everything for good… I’ve just got to endure it! Because sometimes it can affect me in a way that I don’t want.
Kutless has an amazing song that I’ve sung in my head countless times in the last few weeks. It’s even inspired the title of this article. Because I know this is a possibility.
“Even If The Healing Doesn’t Come”
And in the second verse, there are some words that are truly incredible to study.
“Lord, we know Your ways are not our ways so we set our faith in who You are.
Even though You reign high above us, You tenderly love us, we know Your heart.
We rest in who You are.”
God’s ways are not our ways. THEREFORE we must set our faith in who He is. We cannot put our faith in His works, because we don’t know them. We can’t put our faith in our works, because we’re fallible. We must put our faith in who He is. How? He has shown us who He is. He may not reveal His plan, but He reveals His heart. We can simply rest in who He is. For more on that, check out the Faith Article “Be Still And Know… What Exactly?”
Don’t worry, it’s taken me a while to be able to write this. Like I wrote at the beginning of this article, things were pretty quiet and yet I still tried to trust God… but I didn’t know how or what to trust Him with. His peace, and His reintroduction into our lives, was pretty slow.
We had some friends over for a “normal” get together. We ate, talked, laughed; it was great! The next day I was at work and felt something I hadn’t felt in a month… Peace! I texted my wife:
“Is it just me… or do you feel really good about our situation right now???”
My wife hadn’t noticed it until I pointed out, but she felt the same way too! We both agreed that we had God’s peace and it was amazing to feel it again.
That same week was when He whispered how I could trust Him and put my faith in Him through listening to that second verse of “Even If The Healing Doesn’t Come.” I often told people that this experience scathed away all the accessories of my faith and left me with just the foundational faith I had built through the years. God has revealed Himself in many ways to me through His Word and through studying His Word. And because I know He is good, righteous, faithful, loving, just, my Father, my friend, and my healer… I can trust Him.
I can trust Him with my son’s life.
EVEN IF the healing doesn’t come…